Not Our Fault, But Our Responsibility

We will one day fully know and be known by Him!

I cannot tell you how many women have asked me one, if not both, of these questions: “What did I do to cause this?” Or, “Why didn’t my (whomever) want me?”

The simple truth is, as a child with limited understanding, the only way we can process abandonment, trauma, abuse, or rejection, is to blame ourselves. Thus, allowing shame and the lies associated with the pain to take root in the foundation of how we see ourselves and our emotional health, God, and others. Quite honestly, because these lies become foundational to our understanding of self, God, and others, they haunt us for years to come.

The haunting lasts beyond the church walls. Personal experience has shown me that we walk into a church setting seeking relief from the pain; seeking answers to these questions that have become foundational drivers of our thoughts, feelings, and actions. Without a doubt, this is an important transformational step because when a church is a place where Jesus is taught, where prayer is learned, and community is introduced, the Spirit begins to bring relief to the pain and improve our emotional health. However, more often than not, there’s still a lingering doubt, a residual shame that is hard to overcome.

Here’s the hard truth. While the pain inflicted upon us is not our fault, it is our responsibility to seek healing and freedom from the lies which require courage, time, and an ever-increasing amount of self-awareness. However, this is still not enough. Besides these things, freedom requires total dependence upon the Spirit; where the deep healing of the soul is found and where the Spirit speaks Truth over the lies.

It’s amazing how often a child will ask themselves what they did to cause the pain or trauma they are experiencing, when in fact, the child is simply a victim. They were too young to defend themselves and unable to properly process the events that are surrounding them causing them harm. This is the child in each of us, chained to lies, needing to grow up.

Paul speaks to this in 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. Paul acknowledges a maturing process that we begin when we encounter Christ. However, fear often keeps people chained to their childlike thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. Our responsibility is to “grow up” by trusting and surrendering our pain to the Spirit. Then we will begin to mature, but we will not be complete until one day when we stand before Jesus when we will “know fully” and be “fully known” (1 Cor 13:12).

Only the Spirit fully knows us, more than we know ourselves. Therefore, only the Spirit can help us “grow up” by leading us into Truth and we know that “Truth sets us free” (John 8:31-32). We also know that God says “he has made everything beautiful in its time” (Eccl. 3:11).

Get the guidance you need to improve your emotional health, spiritual health, and physical health so you can live a better life at Brave Enough to Change.